Why We Didn't Celebrate Our Wedding Anniversary

Last Saturday was our 2nd-year anniversary of being legal husband and wife. But contrary to young married couples, we didn't celebrate. There was no cake, no gift and not even a single flower. Why? Because it was not included in the budget. 

Following Theodore's illnesses, we had to cut down on our expenses in order to afford his medical bills. For me, the lack of tangible gifts was acceptable. However, I was expecting something special to happen - maybe a relaxing massage, or an afternoon in the playground (because Theo was well enough to spend an afternoon outside). But none of those were realized. Instead, we spent the morning attending the Parent-Teacher Orientation at Nathan's school and in the afternoon, I was on mommy duties while he slept.

I guess the real reason for the lack of celebration was not the money. I think, we simply stopped becoming lovers. 

We have been burdened with so much lately that we forgot to act like partners. The baby got sick, Kuya got sick, the money is not enough...We had so many responsibilities to think of and neither of us was prepared. I easily got stressed because of my tendency to overthink and over-analyze things. Sometimes, a simple conversation about problems would end with me getting angry at him. Yup, not very nice of me.

Our problem is, I believe, not isolated. Others may be having this problem as well. The lack of intimacy happens especially following the birth of a child. The wife sees the husband as another set of hands to help around the house and take care of the baby. As I have always told my husband regarding the separation of our tasks: "I'm the food and you're the poop."

Now that we have two boys, there's no room for "us" time. At the end of the day, we're both so tired that we just sleep. Talking is done through text or phone call. We may live in the same house but because we're both very busy and we have different work schedules, real conversation no longer happens. 

Maybe when the children are older and no longer sickly, maybe then, we can become lovers again. Until then, we both need to hang on. But on special occasions, I think a simple gesture of love would still be very much acceptable.